Stupid Shit I Copy Edit at Work

Say hello to a new City Sarah segment.

At my 9 to 5 sentenci– uhh job, I copy edit articles for blogs associated with the company’s websites. Since they pay the writers in lint and paper clips,  I come across some really fucking  superb writing samples. Observe:

“Artificial flowers can be made from paper and cloth. You can make these or buy them from stores.”

And all this time I thought you just planted paper and cloth seeds.

 “Clean the windowpanes and all the reflective surfaces in your kitchen to give the room some brightness.”

Someone has been paying extra close attention to those Windex commercials.

“Since your porch is open, it can gather a lot of dust and flying debris such as leaves and papers. Cleaning you porch with a broom and mop can work wonders. “

I just… I can’t.

May 9, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

It’s Saturday…

Oh hey look! It’s you! Haven’t seen you in a while. I’m working on the something a little bigger than Sarah in the CIty, but I figured since I have some free time – and a new amazing MacBook Pro that cured my hatred for PCs – I’ll blog some more for your enjoyment and my general sanity.

Let’s make fun of celebrities!

(Ok real quick before that, I used to go to Perez Hilton to find juicy material but what’s with him kissing every celeb’s ass these days? You’ve gone soft, Perezy. Weight loss ain’t for everyone.)

Prime example:

Perez writes “the hottie turned many heads in her barely-there outfit, wearing just a bikini looking top and a mini skirt all covered in lace.”

REALLY. What is that? It looks itchy.




Next up: Hayley Airplanes

Apparently, girl is wishing on 747s for her own line of hair dye. Maybe her and Rihanna can collaborate since they suck at singing and both have Barnum & Bailey-esque taste in hair color.




Here’s some red that doesn’t make me shield my eyes. Look at Khloe Kardashian’s shoe closet:

Oh my, that’s a lot of red bottoms. Each of which costs upwards of $700. You could probably pay your whole college tuition with what this girl wears on her feet. How’s that make ya feel?

Whatever, college is overrated anyway.




In You-Should’ve-Stayed-With-Nas news:



Kelis. SWEETHEART. Stop taking fashion advice from Nicki Minaj. She has an enormous fake ass and fake boobs to distract from the madness. You? Well, let’s just say I think it’s time you stop spiking your milkshakes.




And lastly:



So when I first saw this picture, I thought Lindsay was her mom Dina and Victoria Gotti was like, the crypt keeper. Vicki, where are all those mobster millions going? You don’t have a weave fund? It looks like she just snatched some tracks from Lindsay’s head and shoved them in her mane for the photo op. At least she didn’t wear that ghastly white tennis outfit she sported the entire season of “Growing Up Gotti.” You know your ass can’t play tennis!

April 16, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Let Us Paint The Town

Anyone who has met me knows that I hold an interest and appreciation for the creative arts.
I picked up a Banksy book once and immediately, my love for street art was born.
Here is another artist who changes the way graffiti is understood and viewed in society.

This is absolutely incredible.

For more on this artist, visit Blublu.org

December 21, 2009 Posted by | 1 | Leave a comment

Blog-worthy Bloggers

With all that’s floating around in the Cyber world, I thought it would be fun to share my top five favorite blog sites. Here goes. In no particular order…


TOURE
www.toure.com
Not so much a Blog site but Toure’s writing is enjoyable and lets aspiring journalists like me into the world of entertainment writing, reviews and commentary. Even the mans Twitter updates are intriguing and are a nice change from the typical “I’m watching TV with my cat” tweets that seem to make up 85% of streams.
For a nice taste of Toure’s written style, read his profile on legendary rapper Jay-Z and follow him on Twitter.


MICHAEL IAN BLACK
www.michaelianblack.net
I find myself in fits of laughter every time I read anything Black writes. A comedian who can convey his wit and humor through writing and stand-up makes him an easy choice for this favorites list. His topics can range from adventures filming his new series “Michael and Michael Have Issues” (see “Hotels”) to a hilarious dilemma with the birdhouse that never was. Regardless of his choice in blogging inspiration, his posts will have you laughing out loud, literally.


CALIFORNIA CORNBREAD by SHANE TOLLMAN MORRIS
www.californiacornbread.tumblr.com

I call him the Eminem of bloggers. Bold, funny, educational and grossly inappropriate, you’ll walk away from each post feeling a little bit smarter and little bit violated. California Cornbread flaunts Morris’ writing skills and his uncanny ability to offend your very existence. Click at your own risk.


THE MARVELOUS LIFE
by MICHAEL RIOS

www.themarvelouslife.wordpress.com

Original poetry by Rios made The Marvelous Life a shoe-in for this list. Rios shows off his talents as well as other work that he deems “marvelous.” From unique fashions to amazing photography (see “The Disintegration of Your Favorite Princess”), every post flaunts creative genius that will captivate you. Though it’s a fairly new blog site, The Marvelous Life has already proven to be worth the click every time.


SARAH IN THE CITY
You dont need the URL, you’re already here.
Last but not least is yours truly. (You should’ve guessed.)
Say what you will but yes, I did reserve the last spot on the list for myself. After all, if I’m not MY favorite how can I ever be yours?

December 20, 2009 Posted by | 1 | Leave a comment

Where the wild things REALLY are…


Recently, a cousin’s birthday celebration resulted in myself and 10 other curious party animals walking through the doors of the Spearmint Rhino Club in Rialto.
The Spearmint Rhino is- for lack of a better name- a Gentlemen’s club, fully equipped with the necessary assets that make an establishment deserving of such a title.
Marking my first time at this sort of risqué spot, a lot of thoughts fired through my mind: Silicon, glitter, clear heels– you get the picture.
Contrary to popular belief- or better yet the fantasies of men everywhere- women are not as comfortable with same-sex interactions as the world expects them to be.
The issue of self-confidence always comes into play when women are placed in any situation together, especially one that involves naked acrobatics.
Yet for educational and inquisitive purposes, we bailed on the self-esteem Lifetime special, ordered a couple rounds and embarked on an evening with our racy female counterparts.
Before arriving, I had a small sense of what the night would consist of. I recalled infamous scenes in movies like Striptease where the stunning Demi Moore played an exotic dancer, or Showgirls starring Elizabeth Berkley who showed a drastic change from her role as Jessie Spano in the ‘90s sitcom Saved By The Bell.
Though I did not expect Demi-esque type dancers, I made sure the club we chose would not make me consider an emergency Tetanus shot.
The Spearmint Rhino was exactly what I pictured, dimly lit and swarming with young men and their raging hormones. The dancers were beautiful and friendly, adding to the energetic aura that our celebratory party carried in.

What I didn’t anticipate was the driven nature of the aforementioned entertainers. I mean, I know it’s their job to get that dollar but damn!
I had to turn down several offers for lap dances, staying firm with my choice to keep the ladies on the stage and not in my pockets.
My male friends immediately questioned my decision to pass on the dance, alluding to the idea that my actions were curiously unorthodox.
Look guys, while I am mature and comfortable enough with my sexuality to attend a birthday bash at this exotic venue, I have to draw the line somewhere. I’m about as interested in a lap dance at the Rhino as you would be at Chippendales. So thanks but no thanks.
The only drawback to the evening, a factor that would likely prevent me from planning a repeat night, were the males in the audience.
Apart from the lively posse that I arrived with, the remaining attendees were seated stone cold around the stage.
I understand the point of this is to watch the entertainment but it was strange to see guys in their early to mid-twenties staring blankly at the dancers for hours.
These particular guests wrapped an awkward ambiance around the night that made it tempting to snap your fingers in their faces just to confirm consciousness.
Overall, thanks wholly to my partners in crime, the night was a successful one resulting in laughs, plenty of Twitter updates and, undoubtedly, several hangovers.

December 18, 2009 Posted by | Sarah In The City | Leave a comment

In Loving Memory

“The Blue Man held out his hand. “Fairness,” he said, “does not govern life and death. If it did, no good person would ever die young.”
He rolled his palm upward and suddenly they were standing in a cememtery behind a small group of mourners. A priest by the gravesite was reading from a Bible. Eddie could not see faces, only the backs of hats and dresses and suit coats.
“My funeral,” the Blue Man said. “Look at the mourners. Some did not even know me well, yet they came. Why? Did you ever wonder? Why people gather when others die? Why people feel they should?”
“It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn’t just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed”
The Five People You Meet In Heaven, Mitch Albom

RIP N.K.
“We’ll always have Lebanon.”

December 4, 2009 Posted by | 1 | Leave a comment

Saved.

Courtesy of Banksy.co.uk

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Unfortunately, it’s not from the “candy canes and silver lanes aglow,” but more because every store has dug up a holiday pitch for whatever crap they’ll try to sell us this year.
Perhaps the most materialistically immersed holiday, Christmas is a time when wish lists are long and credit card statements are even longer.
It’s the first week of December and advertisers are at every corner reminding us that it’s not really a holiday unless you have the receipts to prove it.
Though Christmas is far from being the only holiday whose true purpose is drowned in gift wrap, it definitely takes the crown.
Every year it gets earlier. Marketing teams creep up on us right after Halloween when we’re busy turning our jack-o’-lanterns into Thanksgiving pumpkin pies.
They practically ignore the November feast but, of course, that’s only because no one exchanges gifts for Thanksgiving so who cares, right?
Gift shopping has become so out of control, we had to declare another day to deal with it all.
Black Friday: a holiday that celebrates shopping for a holiday.
Really, I shouldn’t even refer to it as a holiday.
It’s more of a day of remembrance for those who lost their money, sanity and sometimes even their lives in a modern day battle of the bank accounts.
Last year on Black Friday, a 34-year-old Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a mob of shoppers anxious to snatch up holiday deals.
Four shoppers, including a pregnant woman, were left injured as others frantically climbed on top of vending machines to avoid the stampede.
Remind you of Mufasa’s death in “The Lion King?” Yeah, me too.
What’s worse is the values that used to define holidays like Christmas have become completely lost.
A survey conducted for the National Retail Federation by BIGresearch found that 198 million people would shop on Black Friday and the following Saturday and Sunday, increasing from the 172 million from last year.
However, according to the Barna Research Group, attendance at Protestant Church services, which make up more than half of the Christian population, and the percent of American adults who identify themselves as Christian have both seen steady decline since 1993.
Spending time with family and getting in touch with the roots of religious holidays like Christmas and even secular celebrations like Valentine’s Day are far more meaningful than the Tickle Me Elmo you waited hours in line for.
While it’s exciting and enjoyable to exchange gifts with loved ones, it’s important to remember what takes priority.
During the break, be more conscious of the time spent with those you’re shopping for rather than in a department store. Despite the outrageous deals, don’t let big businesses determine what a holiday means to you.

 

View Original Publication Here

November 30, 2009 Posted by | 1 | Leave a comment

Burst your balloon.

Okay so who the hell is this Balloon Kid and why should I give a damn?
One minute I’m watching our gorgeous president talk about health care and the next, I’m getting aerial footage of an aluminum foil aircraft.
After my initial confusion settled (I had plenty of time since Fox News decided this Reynolds Wrap UFO was worth two hours of my time), I started thinking: Who dropped the ball?
Who decided that this six year old, allegedly trapped inside this aircraft, was worth hours of live coverage?
Not to be cold-hearted, but honestly, do you care? Because I don’t.
Break in for a couple of minutes and tell me he’s in there, then break in an hour later and tell me if he’s alive. I really don’t need any more than that, Broadcast News.
Then, as if this whole fiasco wasn’t ridiculous enough, the damn kid wasn’t even up there. Turns out, he was hiding in the attic.
I mean attic, shiny silver balloon UFO.
Tomato, tomah’to, right?
But sadly, it’s not that simple.
My time, as well as everyone else that was tuning in, is gone. Precious hours that I will never get back and to be honest, I’m fucking pissed.
A reporter’s job is to collect information, organize it and deliver it to the public.
It doesn’t mean screaming “Action!” the moment a bored Colorado couple cry wolf.
I think, instead of slapping them with a felony, we should shove the kid and his parents in the balloon and let them set sail with half a tank of gas and no map.
That way, we’ll be even.

balloon

 

 

October 30, 2009 Posted by | 1 | 2 Comments

People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your
life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you
from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant
comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the
fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend
feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology
the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The
Advertisers and they are laughing at you.
You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual
property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they
like wherever they like with total impunity.
Fuck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice
whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and
re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is
like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.
You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially
don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the
world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your
permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.
– Banksy

October 30, 2009 Posted by | 1 | Leave a comment

Welcome to Dubai

familyguy

Fifteen long hours later and we finally arrived in Dubai. Though I’ve made this trip before in the past, I guess I’ve forgotten what a toll it takes on your body and sanity– either that or my fat ass just can’t fit comfortably in the airplane seats anymore.

But seriously, they’re like 1 1/2′ in width and after about 4 hours you start playing the “what uncomfortably awkward position can I fold myself into so I could possibly get some shut eye” game. So much fun.
What sucks even more is that the first class section of Emirates Airlines flaunts the Rolls Royce of airplane seats and “the rest of us” get the pleasure of walking passed them on our way down the Green Mile to our sardine can.

Suffocation aside, Dubai is absolutely incredible. There is nothing I can describe that you can’t just Google Image (Burj Al Arab, Atlantis, etc), but really they went all out in the UAE and you have to see it to believe it.
It’s any artist’s fantasy land, every wall embellished beautifully with murals and artwork and every sky scraper flaunting plenty of unique features. Even the freeway overpass is lined with purple neon lights.
It’s oddly similar to Las Vegas. Same amazing architecture and flashy lights. Same alive night life. Same disgustingly humid weather.
Except instead of rowdy drunks, there’s groups of Saudis.

Speaking of death by heat stroke, no one here goes out in the Summer. Everything is indoors, including a skating rink in the Dubai Mall and a ski slope in the Emirates Mall– yea, I told you. They’re not fucking around.
You basically go from air conditioned hotel room to air conditioned car to air conditioned [insert destination here].
Despite the fact, in the 30 seconds it takes to walk from the hotel lobby to your car, you get a taste of what Hell must feel like. It’s HOT.
The beds in our hotel room didn’t even have blankets on them, just thin white sheets.

In the 12 hours I spent here, I saw enough to let me know that Dubai is the place to be. Just not in the summer. Take a trip out here in December and you’ll have the time of your life.

Right now, Noel and I are at Gate 203 in Dubai International Airport waiting for our connecting flight to Lebanon. LAX is nothing compared to this place, but once again, it’s really something you just have to see.
The airport security here dress exactly like the Sierra Leone army (Think “Blood Diamond”). It’s so badass. If the U.S. wants some serious terrorist protection, we need to import some of these guys.
Oh and they’re hot, too. Plus!

Now it’s time for another 3 hours in a cramped airplane. I can’t wait.

June 12, 2009 Posted by | 1 | 3 Comments